lostinrainbows: September 2010

The Door of Unhappiness

And it was like giving four sharp knocks at the door of unhappiness.¹

Yesterday was too early. Tomorrow is going to be late. Now is the time. A very special moment. Great and grotesque at the same time. The moment you realize who you really are. The moment you understand that you don't fit in this world. That you don't really care about what is going to happen in the next few minutes.
At first, you try to learn how to cope in a world that seems to prefer the norm. However, later you feel exposed, afraid, and indifferent. Wilderness becomes more acute as the time goes by. You can only experience distant voices and whispers, blurred imagery, and deafening car horns. The sun is extremely bright. Or maybe not. You cannot be sure. All your vital signs are low. Life seems to play in fast forward for you now.
You seem to react in a way that you always wanted to avoid, and then you realize that you're nothing more than a trite, consciously shallow person. All your efforts eventually focus on the deceit of yourself. You struggle to ignore other people's truthfulness and trust your own mind.
You're all alone now. And you can state this devoid of fear or doubts, because that's the only thing you can finally believe heart and soul.

¹Albert Camus - L’Étranger